Remarriage

(This Position Paper was originally started in July/Aug. 2010 and finished Sept./Oct. 2010. It was written along side the Position Paper on Divorce...below.)

In studying God’s word regarding divorce, it was only natural to continue onto the topic of remarriage. During this trial, there have been times when I asked myself questions such as “If we get divorced, should I seek to be remarried” and “Is it God’s will for me to even consider being remarried”. Separation and divorce to a Christian is, in my opinion, much harder to deal with than the death of a spouse (though I have no basis in fact). Half of your whole is torn from you, though you know that it is in opposition to God’s will. If your spouse had died, you would at least have some comfort knowing that it was God’s will – and the death of a believer simply allows them to enter into the presence of the Lord sooner. Even Paul struggled over living here on the Earth and dying and going home to be with the Lord (Phil 1:21-26).

Ok, back to the topic of remarriage. If you’ve already read the positional paper on divorce, then you probably know what to expect in this paper. In the most simplistic answer, if God hates divorce and no one should get divorced, then remarriage after divorce is not acceptable because the circumstances should never allow for it. Only God can break the marriage covenant, which He created. The Lord allows for this in one instance only, as shown in the following passages:

Romans 7:1-3: Or do you not know, brethren (for I speak to those who know the law), that the law has dominion over a man as long as he lives? For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man.

1 Cor 7:39: A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

In these two passages, the wife is not allowed to remarry as long as her husband lives. This thought is reiterated again in 1 Cor 7:11, regarding a believing wife who has “departed” her husband. As I mentioned in the paper on divorce, I believe that some extremely dangerous or harmful circumstances are required for this "departing" to happen (physical abuse, murderous threats, etc). In the preceding verse, Paul says this:

1 Cor 7:10: Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband.

Though written by Paul, he states directly that this is a command from the Lord Jesus himself! To refuse to follow it is an act of disobedience and is sin.

1 Cor 7:11: But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.

Again, the wife who left her husband is commanded to remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. There is simply no option for remarriage given. From a husband's standpoint, he simply is commanded not to divorce his wife (thus making the topic of remarriage after divorce moot for him).  Again, remember that Paul is giving a command from the Lord!

Paul then turns to the marriage between a believer and a non-believer in 1 Cor 7:12-16. Here, we have one of the verses that people have used to justify remarriage after divorce. Let us look at 1 Cor 7:15-16.

1 Cor 7:15-16: But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?

As stated in the paper on divorce, 1 Cor 7:15 is simply commanding the believer to allow the unbeliever to divorce him or her. The believer is not bound to refuse divorce because God says it is wrong. Instead, the Lord removes the believer from this bondage, which would most likely result in fighting, anger, and bitterness between the believer and the unbeliever. The simple act of allowing for a peaceful divorce might lead to the eventual salvation of the unbeliever, praise God! What about remarriage of the believer after such a divorce?

The word used for bondage in 1 Cor 7:15 is douloo, which means to make a servant or slave. Paul uses a different word in 1 Cor 7:39 for bound (deo), which means to pledge to give oneself in marriage. They come from completely different root words. That in itself shows that Paul is not allowing the marriage bond to be broken in the divorce between a believer and an unbeliever, but simply allows the divorce to occur peacefully.

Let us examine additional passages that continue to support this position.

Luke 16:18: "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery.”

The Lord Jesus attacks the issue of remarriage very directly here. In God’s eyes, human divorce simply doesn’t end the marriage covenant which God created. How can man remove that which God has created? While we can disobey His will (which Jesus calls adultery in this passage) and sin against Him, we cannot change His laws. The Lord gave no exceptions.

Mark 10:11-12: So He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery."

The Lord Jesus not only reaffirms his stance on remarriage (as seen in Luke 16:18), but elaborates on it by showing that no matter who divorces whom, any remarriage by the person divorcing is adultery. For the person who is being divorced, remarriage is not allowed based on the previous discussion of 1 Cor 7:15-16 above. Again, the Lord gives no exceptions to this. It’s also important to note that this passage directly follows the Lord’s teaching that we are not to divorce (Mark 10:2-9).

While I have already touched on Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9 in the paper on divorce, I wish to reexamine these passages.

Matt 5:32b: “…and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.”

The Lord Jesus makes a very simple and powerful statement here. To marry a woman who has been divorced is adultery, and there are no exceptions.

Matthew 19:9: "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."

Again, I believe that this passage is in regards to divorce during the betrothal period, which God allows for. This is what allowed Joseph to “put away” Mary after she was found with child while they were betrothed. If he had divorced Mary, he would then be free to marry someone else. However, Mary would not have been allowed to remarry, since that would result in adultery.

There are a few other points I wish to make, though my position regarding remarriage is complete.

First and foremost, I certainly do not want anyone thinking that they need to “make things right” if they have already become remarried. The blood of Christ can cover ANY sin which we have committed. You simply need to acknowledge and confess your sin regarding divorce and/or remarriage before the Lord and know that He is merciful to forgive us. Divorce and remarriage are not unforgivable sins! If you have any questions, please talk to your pastor or write me. I will offer up all the wisdom I can!

Secondly, if a husband or wife divorces their spouse, becomes married to another person, and then leaves that person (through either divorce or the death of the new spouse), that person cannot then return to their original spouse. This is better said in the following passage:

Deu 24:1-4: When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, when she has departed from his house, and goes and becomes another man's wife, if the latter husband detests her and writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her as his wife, then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the LORD, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance.

Thirdly, a believer and an unbeliever should not marry. I offer up the following passages to affirm this:

1 Cor 7:39: A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

The phrase “only in the Lord” is saying that she is to marry only another believer and not an unbeliever who is not “in the Lord”. 1 John 4:13 states “By this we know that we abide in Him, and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit.”

2 Cor 6:14-15: Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?

Finally, and this is one of the hardest parts for me, those of us who are facing divorce or separation from our spouse must remain focused on the Lord. I face the attacks of the flesh continually, as I go through each day without my wife. My morning prayers are that I might walk in the spirit and deny my flesh. I ask God to help me use the strength He has already given me so that I don’t succumb to the sins of the flesh. I would be a liar if I said it was easy. It is a constant battle, and one I must always be on guard against. When the flesh attacks, I simply remember two things; which I take to the Lord in prayer.

1. We have already been blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ. (Eph 1:3).  This includes a spirit of power (2 Tim 1:7) with which we can resist the devil (Jam 4:7).

2. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. (Phil 4:13)

Remember, His promises to us are eternal, unchanging, and perfect. Draw near to Him and He will draw near to you!

Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

In Christ,
Ric